today
boy and girl
buttercup_thin
 i haven't posted in my journal for a while

so i have to go to hospital tomorrow, for my knee, apparantly the cartlidge has worn away or something
which isn't good seen as i'm only 15

they're going to tell me to stop doing sport, i know they are, but what am i going to do then

this is ridiculous 

I HATE MY LIFE

why can't i be normal

(no subject)
boy and girl
buttercup_thin


i wish i could get rid of this stupid disorder

i hate it

i hate me

i hate my life

 

i want everything to go away

sometimes i think i can beat it ... but then i go worse again and give up trying and just accept that this is me and maybe i'm supposed to be ill or i'm being punished for something i've done wrong

 


i can't cope
boy and girl
buttercup_thin
with this anymore
i wish i would just melt away

i feel so alone and useless

no-one understands or wants to know

i tried to tell someone but they just walked off
i want it all to go away

maybe things would be better if i wasn't here

survey
boy and girl
buttercup_thin

i hope you don't mind i copied this off one of your entries

[] I am shorter than 5'4".
[X] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[X] I have many scars.
[X] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[X] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[X] I had braces.
[] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[X] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

FAMILY
[X] I've sworn at my parents.
[X] I've run away from home.
[X] I've been kicked out of the house.
[] My biological parents are together.
[] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

EMBARASSMENT
[X] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[] Disney movies still make me cry.
[X] I've peed from laughing.
[X] I've snorted while laughing.
[X] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[ ] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS
[X] I'm single.
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[] I've gone on a blind date.
[] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[X] I miss someone right now.
[X] I have a fear of abandonment.
[X] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[X] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[X] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[X] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[X] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[X] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY
[X] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[X] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[X] I've snuck out of my house.
[X] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[X] I've cheated while playing a game.
[X] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES
[X] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[X] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[X] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[X] I *have* anorexic or bulimic *tendencies* or have EDNOS*tendencies*.
[X] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[X] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[X] I'm addicted to self harm.
[X] I've woken up crying
Tags:

doing ok
boy and girl
buttercup_thin
i'm doing alright at the moment

haven't eaten much today

cooked tea today

went on a bike ride

up the hills.. so that should've burned some calories


if i get the cold my brother has then i can say i'm ill and i don't feel like eating

it's so hard to stop this

scared
boy and girl
buttercup_thin
my mate made me go to the doctors the other day
i didn't like it there
they were really patronizing
and i could tell they didn't care
he just kept talking about himself

i'm confused
everyone's telling me i'm too thin
or i need to get better
or that i look sad

but i want to loose weight
i want to feel good about myself

ok..
boy and girl
buttercup_thin
first entry

i'm trying to stay under 1000 calories a day

i need to be able to control this because i can't control the rest of my life

i'm 120 pounds at the moment

i want to be 100

something needs to change

?

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